camping

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I'm writing this from a little market in Austin, TX. as I drink a kombucha and watch the cars pass on the other side of the window.  I set my drink down on a copy of the Austin Chronicle and smile while Lana Del Ray serenades me through little white ear buds.  My whole body is tingling with an aliveness and sense of victory that, if it were to break through the surface of my calm and publicly appropriate demeanor, would probably reveal itself as the most atrocious football style victory dance or at least high pitched screaming laughter.  Possibly both.  But it remains a buzz pulsating through each individual nerve, lighting up my insides.  I bask in the feeling as if it were a spiritual spa.  I bathe in each sensation with utter satisfaction.  The occasion?  We did it.  After months and months of literal blood, sweat and tears, there is a palpable sense that we've broken through.  A simple transition, as if walking through an invisible veil.  But I don't need my eyes to tell me I've made it.  We are staying in our renovated vintage airstream trailer in an rv park downtown Austin, in a beautiful and fun area.  The air conditioning is finally working in the trailer.  We're fully moved in.  This is our home.  And now, it feels like home.  We've painted, decorated, organized.  We've played a good number of house shows so far and they've been amazing.  All of the sudden everything feels right.  I know now that every time I decided not to give up, it was because I knew I'd get here eventually.  We closed our eyes and jumped into the arms of faith so many times.  We pushed ourselves to live with our hands wide open.  Giving, receiving, flowing, believing.  Believing in everything we hoped would hold weight.  And now, we are victorious.  We are airborne on the winds of love itself.  Even as I try and describe the circumstances that surround this breakthrough I realize that if you look at those alone you may miss what I trying to express to you.  It's deeper, the victory is actually unseen.  It's impossible to describe really.  It's about presence. It's about breathing in the fullness of life, over and over.  It's that I believed something I was told about life, and love, and dreams, and hope.  And it turned out to be true.  

Believe.  Not just in things you desire, but in LIFE.  Life is meant to be incredible and dynamic.  The challenges and victories are the riches.  The letting go is the portal.  The openness and the surrender are the keys.  Ask and you shall receive.  Ask for life.  Ask for the fullness.  Then believe, embrace what comes, and push for the breakthrough.  

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Exiting The Comfort Zone

_MG_0058 1 The thing about getting out of your comfort zone is that it requires you to be, well, UNCOMFORTABLE.  Its fun and exciting to talk about adventure, stepping out, taking chances- feels like the whole world opens up to you and anything is possible.  This usually happens after a big cup of coffee for me.  But when you dive headfirst into your grand adventure, pushing yourself beyond your limits and stretching your own boundaries, it doesn't always feel like standing on the front of the titanic, arms spread wide.  Sometimes it does, but sometimes it feels more like sinking.  You may find yourself tired, nervous, awkward, hot, cold, unsure, scared, broke, homesick, exasperated.. but for some odd reason, these things seem to be the tokens that unlock some of the greatest riches of experience.  The moments that would've never happened inside the boundaries of your soft and pillowy zone of comfort.  Campfires, endless stars, connection, deep conversations, hair blowing in the wind, thrills, passionate kisses, new friendships, breathtaking views, late night giggles, greatness, hope, life.  These things exist beyond the leap of faith of which we often find ourselves teetering on the edge.  Sometimes its a big jump, buried deep in your heart, pulling on you to set it free.  Sometimes its a daily disposition of openness that will reveal the true beauty of the life you already lead.  In every case its a conscious decision to embrace every facet of life with a hunger for the true riches hidden within it all.  Believe in the possibilities and embraces the stuggles as they unlock the joy available.  _MG_0628 _MG_0596 _MG_0587  _MG_0394_MG_0410 _MG_0360 _MG_0343 _MG_0227     _MG_0248   _MG_0411 1_MG_0058_MG_0453 1_MG_0394 1_MG_0327 1_MG_0292_MG_0271 1_MG_0240 1_MG_0171 1_MG_0135 1_MG_0129 1

Present Tense

I can see it now.  Waking up as light floods the Airstream, or my daughter climbs into bed with us, whichever comes first, stretching and moving towards the french press.  Folding up the sofa bed and pushing open the Airstream door, feeling a rush of fresh air and pure morning light as I step out into nature in my pajamas.  I see sipping my steaming coffee as Magnolia rushes to begin playing in the outdoors.  I grab a sweater for the cool morning air, and then I'm playing with Magnolia, stretching, praying, planning the day.  I can see it now.  And it looks like peace.  It looks like being in the moment.  It looks like slowing down, feeling well, living. I stop myself.  That WILL be great.  But what about right now?  I realize I am living for the future and merely enduring the now.  Something that Aaron and I often say to each other when we find ourselves looking to some kind of future plan as our salvation, is "Do you know what its going to feel like when we reach x,y,z ?" ...  "Like this."  Meaning that life has a way of always just feeling like life.  Its easy to think something like "everything would be different if I could just.. (make more money, have a better job, have a partner, live in an airstream, or whatever it is that you are looking forward to)".  But the truth is while accomplishing a goal CAN change things, and make you feel better for a while, for the most part, you will still feel like you, life will still feel like life, with its ups and downs.  There will be new challenges presented even by this new wonderful thing.  This is not to say don't go after anything but it is to say, if you cannot be at peace right now, don't expect an accomplishment to create that for you.  Your ability to be at peace, be happy, live in the moment, ect. will be exactly what it is now.

With this understanding, we've been challenging ourselves as we work on the Airstream and set up all the details of the tour, to fully embrace where we are now.  This moment is all we have.  So, even with all of the elements at play that are potential stress-producers (and successful stress-producers I have to admit), we are trying to experience the same in-the-moment, peace that I imagine myself experiencing as I step down from the Airstream in the early morning light, smelling the beautiful fresh air laced with the must of last night's fire.

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These pictures of from our trip to Los Angeles this summer :)