The thing about getting out of your comfort zone is that it requires you to be, well, UNCOMFORTABLE. Its fun and exciting to talk about adventure, stepping out, taking chances- feels like the whole world opens up to you and anything is possible. This usually happens after a big cup of coffee for me. But when you dive headfirst into your grand adventure, pushing yourself beyond your limits and stretching your own boundaries, it doesn't always feel like standing on the front of the titanic, arms spread wide. Sometimes it does, but sometimes it feels more like sinking. You may find yourself tired, nervous, awkward, hot, cold, unsure, scared, broke, homesick, exasperated.. but for some odd reason, these things seem to be the tokens that unlock some of the greatest riches of experience. The moments that would've never happened inside the boundaries of your soft and pillowy zone of comfort. Campfires, endless stars, connection, deep conversations, hair blowing in the wind, thrills, passionate kisses, new friendships, breathtaking views, late night giggles, greatness, hope, life. These things exist beyond the leap of faith of which we often find ourselves teetering on the edge. Sometimes its a big jump, buried deep in your heart, pulling on you to set it free. Sometimes its a daily disposition of openness that will reveal the true beauty of the life you already lead. In every case its a conscious decision to embrace every facet of life with a hunger for the true riches hidden within it all. Believe in the possibilities and embraces the stuggles as they unlock the joy available.
Once upon a time, after finishing my shift at the sushi restaurant where I worked as a hostess, I ran over to a little venue called 12th and Porter to say hi to a friend before going home to get off my feet after a long day. I rushed inside and found that I had missed the band, but I wasn't too concerned. I said hi to my friend Pricilla and she immediately introduced me to a couple of fellas. Conversation with one of them came quickly and easily and we were joking and bantering in a matter of moments. My interested was piqued and my plans for the evening changed. We talked until 3 in the morning. Five or so years later, he and I wrote this song together as we watched our daughter crawl across the floor after a toy.
Happy Valentines Day. Enjoy.
March 29th, in the dark of the night, I woke up. I was feeling things I had never felt before. I was getting signals that had only ever been described to me. I felt tightening sensations across my stomach and I wondered, is this going to be it? I relaxed as much as possible and dozed as I could. After a few hours I could no longer sleep through them and I was feeling more certain that what I had been waiting months for was now upon me....
I can see it now. Waking up as light floods the Airstream, or my daughter climbs into bed with us, whichever comes first, stretching and moving towards the french press. Folding up the sofa bed and pushing open the Airstream door, feeling a rush of fresh air and pure morning light as I step out into nature in my pajamas. I see sipping my steaming coffee as Magnolia rushes to begin playing in the outdoors. I grab a sweater for the cool morning air, and then I'm playing with Magnolia, stretching, praying, planning the day. I can see it now. And it looks like peace. It looks like being in the moment. It looks like slowing down, feeling well, living. I stop myself. That WILL be great. But what about right now? I realize I am living for the future and merely enduring the now. Something that Aaron and I often say to each other when we find ourselves looking to some kind of future plan as our salvation, is "Do you know what its going to feel like when we reach x,y,z ?" ... "Like this." Meaning that life has a way of always just feeling like life. Its easy to think something like "everything would be different if I could just.. (make more money, have a better job, have a partner, live in an airstream, or whatever it is that you are looking forward to)". But the truth is while accomplishing a goal CAN change things, and make you feel better for a while, for the most part, you will still feel like you, life will still feel like life, with its ups and downs. There will be new challenges presented even by this new wonderful thing. This is not to say don't go after anything but it is to say, if you cannot be at peace right now, don't expect an accomplishment to create that for you. Your ability to be at peace, be happy, live in the moment, ect. will be exactly what it is now.
With this understanding, we've been challenging ourselves as we work on the Airstream and set up all the details of the tour, to fully embrace where we are now. This moment is all we have. So, even with all of the elements at play that are potential stress-producers (and successful stress-producers I have to admit), we are trying to experience the same in-the-moment, peace that I imagine myself experiencing as I step down from the Airstream in the early morning light, smelling the beautiful fresh air laced with the must of last night's fire.
These pictures of from our trip to Los Angeles this summer :)